Friday, April 27, 2012

Thanks Google Plus

As of today I will not be able to post to this blog thanks to the fact my gmail address, associated with both this account and other google websites, is linked to a suspended G+ account - suspended mind you due to Google's crap attitude to pseudonyms... almost none of you whom are reading this would ever know me by the name on my drivers licence (which is the one Google wants me to use to unlock the account) and so would not know who the hell that person was if you met them online, unlike this name (quadrapop) which has been in use by me, quite legally, for 30 + years!


I have no idea if this will post - if it does at least you know why there are no more postings by me on any Blogger blog.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Aussie terminology

Its about time ya learned some Aussie

Ace! : Excellent! Very good!
Aerial pingpong : Australian Rules football
Amber fluid : beer
Ambo : ambulance, ambulance driver
Ankle biter : small child
Apples, she'll be : It'll be all right
Arvo : afternoon
Aussie (pron. Ozzie) : Australian
Aussie salute : brushing away flies with the hand
Avos : avocados
B & S : Bachelors' and Spinsters' Ball - a very enjoyable party
usually held in rural areas
Back of Bourke : a very long way away
Bail (somebody) up : to corner somebody physically
Bail out : depart, usually angrily
Banana bender : a person from Queensland
Barbie : barbecue (noun)
Barrack : to cheer on (football team etc.)
Bastard : term of endearment
Bathers : swimming costume
Battler : someone working hard and only just making a living
Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic
Big-note oneself : brag, boast
Bikkie : biscuit (also "it cost big bikkies" - it was expensive)
Billabong : an ox-bow river or watering hole
Billy : teapot. Container for boiling water.
Bingle : motor vehicle accident
Bities : biting insects
Bitzer : mongrel dog (bits of this and bits of that)
Bizzo : business ("mind your own bizzo")
Black Stump, beyond the : a long way away, the back of nowhere
Bloke : man, guy
Bloody : very (bloody hard yakka)
Bloody oath! : that's certainly true
Blow in the bag : have a breathalyser test
Blowie : blow fly
Bludger : lazy person, layabout, somebody who always relies on other
people to do things or lend him things
Blue : fight ("he was having a blue with his wife")
Blue, make a : make a mistake
Bluey : pack, equipment, traffic ticket, redhead
Bluey : blue cattle dog (named after its subtle markings) which is an
excellent working dog. Everyone's favourite all-Aussie dog.
Bluey : heavy wool or felt jacket worn by mining and construction workers.
Bluey : bluebottle jellyfish
Bodgy : of inferior quality
Bog in : commence eating, to attack food with enthusiasm
Bog standard : basic, unadorned, without accessories (a bog standard
car, telephone etc.)
Bogan : person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his
days slacking and drinking beer
Bogged : Stuck in mud, deep sand (a vehicle).
Bondi cigar : see "brown-eyed mullet"
Bonzer : great, ripper
Boogie board : a hybrid, half-sized surf board
Boomer : a large male kangaroo
Booze bus : police vehicle used for catching drunk drivers
Boozer : a pub
Bored shitless : very bored
Bottle shop : liquor shop
Bottle-o : liquor shop (originally a man with hessian bags going
around picking up beer bottles in the 50's and 60's)
Bottler : something excellent
Bottling, his blood's worth : he's an excellent, helpful bloke.
Bounce : a bully
Bourke Street, he doesn't know Christmas from : he's a bit slow in the
head. (Bourke Street is a brightly lit Melbourne street)
Bowl of rice, not my : not my cup of tea; I don't like it
Brass razoo, he hasn't got a : he's very poor
Brekkie : breakfast
Brick shit house, built like a : big strong bloke
Brickie : bricklayer
Brisvegas : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brizzie : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brown-eyed mullet : a turd in the sea (where you're swimming!)
Brumby : a wild horse
Buck's night : stag party, male gathering the night before the wedding
Buckley's, Buckley's chance : no chance ("New Zealand stands Buckley's
of beating Australia at football")
Budgie smugglers : men's bathing costume
Bull bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it
against hitting kangaroos (also roo bar)
Bundy : short for Bundaberg, Queensland, and the brand of rum that's made there
Bunyip : mythical outback creature
Bush : the hinterland, the Outback, anywhere that isn't in town
Bush bash : long competitive running or motorcar race through the bush
Bush oyster : nasal mucus
Bush telly : campfire
Bushie : someone who lives in the Bush
Bushman's hanky : Emitting nasal mucus by placing one index finger on
the outside of the nose (thus blocking one nostril) and blowing.
Bushranger : highwayman, outlaw
Butcher : small glass of beer in South Australia - From the theory
that a butcher could take a quick break from his job, have a drink and
be back at work
BYO : unlicensed restaurant where you have to Bring Your Own grog,
also similar party or barbecue
Cab Sav : Cabernet Sauvignon (a variety of wine grape)
Cactus : dead, not functioning ("this bloody washing machine is cactus")
Cane toad : a person from Queensland
Captain Cook : look (noun) ("let's have a Captain Cook")
Cark it : to die, cease functioning
Cat burying shit, as busy as a : busy
Cat's piss, as mean as : mean, stingy, uncharitable
Chewie : chewing gum
Chokkie : chocolate
Chook : a chicken
Chrissie : Christmas
Christmas : see Bourke Street
Chuck a sickie : take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy
Chunder : vomit
Clacker : anus (from Latin cloaca = sewer). Also the single orifice of
monotremes (platypus and echidna) used both for reproduction and for
the elimination of body wastes.
Clayton's : fake, substitute
Cleanskin : Bottle of wine without a label. Usually bought in bulk by
companies who then add their own personalised label and use the wine
as e.g. gifts to clients
Cleanskin : cattle that have not been branded, earmarked or castrated.
Click : kilometre - "it's 10 clicks away"
Clucky : feeling broody or maternal
Coathanger : Sydney Harbour bridge
Cobber : friend
Cockie : farmer
Cockie : cockatoo
Cockie : cockroach
Cockroach : a person from New South Wales
Coldie : a beer
Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident
Compo : Workers' Compensation pay
Conch (adj. conchy) : a conscientious person. Somebody who would
rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.
Cooee, not within : figuratively a long way away, far off - England
weren't within cooee of beating Australia at cricket
Cooee, within : nearby - I was within cooee of landing a big fish when
the line broke. He lives within cooee of Sydney.
Cook (noun) : One's wife
Corker : something excellent. A good stroke in cricket might be
described as a 'corker of a shot'
Corroboree : an aboriginal dance festival
Counter lunch/Countery : pub lunch
Cozzie : swimming costume
Crack a fat : get an erection
Crack onto (someone) : to hit on someone, pursue someone romantically
Cranky : in a bad mood, angry
Cream (verb) : defeat by a large margin
Crook : sick, or badly made
Crow eater : a person from South Australia
Cubby house : Small, usually timber, house in the garden used as a
children's plaything.
Cut lunch : sandwiches
Cut lunch commando : army reservist
Cut snake, mad as a : very angry
Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof
Daks : trousers
Damper : bread made from flour and water
Date : arse[hole] ("get off your fat date")
Dead dingo's donger, as dry as a : dry
Dead horse : Tomato sauce
Deadset : true, the truth
Dero : tramp, hobo, homeless person (from "derelict")
Dickhead : see "whacker"
Digger : a soldier
Dill : an idiot
Dingo's breakfast : a yawn, a leak and a good look round (i.e. no breakfast)
Dinkum, fair dinkum : true, real, genuine ("I'm a dinkum Aussie"; "is
he fair dinkum?")
Dinky-di : the real thing, genuine
Dipstick : a loser, idiot
Divvy van : Police vehicle used for transporting criminals. Named
after the protective 'division' between the driver and the villains.
Dob (somebody) in : inform on somebody. Hence dobber, a tell-tale
Docket : a bill, receipt
Doco : documentary
Dog : unattractive woman
Dog's balls, stands out like : obvious
Dog's eye : meat pie
Dole bludger : somebody on social assistance when unjustified
Donger : penis
Doodle : penis
Down Under : Australia and New Zealand
Drink with the flies : to drink alone
Drongo : a dope, stupid person
Dropkick : see 'dipstick'
Drum : information, tip-off ("I'll give you the drum")
Duchess : sideboard
Duffer, cattle : rustler
Dummy, spit the : get very upset at something
Dunny : outside lavatory
Dunny budgie : blowfly
Dunny rat, cunning as a : very cunning
Durry : tobacco, cigarette
Dux : top of the class (n.); to be top of the class (v.) - "She duxed
four of her subjects".
Earbashing : nagging, non-stop chatter
Ekka : the Brisbane Exhibition, an annual show
Esky : large insulated food/drink container for picnics, barbecues etc.
Exy : expensive
Face, off one's : drunk ("He was off his face by 9pm")
Fair dinkum : true, genuine
Fair go : a chance ("give a bloke a fair go")
Fair suck of the sav! : exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief (see also "sav")
Fairy floss : candy floss, cotton candy
Feral : V8 ute (q.v.) sporting large heavy bullbar, numerous aerials,
large truck mudflaps and stickers almost all over the rear window and
tailgate. Sometimes seen with a Mack emblem on the bonnet and always
with large (multiple) driving lights
Feral (n.) : a hippie
Figjam : "F*ck I'm good; just ask me". Nickname for people who have a
high opinion of themselves.
Fisho : fishmonger
Flake : shark's flesh (sold in fish & chips shops)
Flat out like a lizard drinking : flat out, busy
Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or him/her
Flick it on : to sell something, usually for a quick profit, soon
after buying it.
Fly wire : gauze flyscreen covering a window or doorway.
Footy : Australian Rules football
Fossick : search, rummage ("fossicking through the kitchen drawers")
Fossick : to prospect, e.g. for gold
Fossicker : prospector, e.g. for gold
Franger : condom
Freckle : anus
Fremantle Doctor : the cooling afternoon breeze that arrives in Perth
from the direction of Freeo
Freo : Fremantle in Western Australia
Frog in a sock, as cross as a : sounding angry - a person or your hard drive!
Fruit loop : fool
Full : drunk
Furphy : false or unreliable rumour
G'Day : hello!
Gabba : Wooloongabba - the Brisbane cricket ground
GAFA (pron. gaffa) : the big nothingness of the Australian Outback.
Great Australian F**k All.
Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name
because of its antics and the noise it makes.
Garbo, garbologist : municipal garbage collector
Give it a burl : try it, have a go
Gobful, give a : to abuse, usually justifiably ("The neighbours were
having a noisy party so I went and gave them a gobful")
Gobsmacked : surprised, astounded
Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun - "the
place was really going off"
Good oil : useful information, a good idea, the truth
Good onya : good for you, well done
Goog, as full as a : drunk. "Goog" is a variation of the northern
English slangword "goggie" meaning an egg.
Greenie : environmentalist
Grinning like a shot fox : very happy, smugly satisfied
Grog : liquor, beer ("bring your own grog, you bludger")
Grouse (adj.) : great, terrific, very good
Grundies : undies, underwear (from Reg Grundy, a television person)
Gutful of piss : drunk, "he's got a gutful of piss"
Gyno : gynaecologist
Handle : beer glass with a handle
Harold Holt, to do the : To bolt. (Also "to do the Harold")
Heaps : a lot, e.g. "thanks heaps", "(s)he earned heaps of money" etc.
Holy dooley! : an exclamation of surprise = "Good heavens!", "My
goodness!" "Good grief!" or similar
Hoon : hooligan
Hooroo : goodbye
Hotel : often just a pub
Hottie : hot water bottle
Icy pole, ice block : popsicle, lollypop
Jackaroo : a male trainee station manager or station hand (a station
is a big farm/grazing property)
Jillaroo : a female trainee station manager or station hand
Joey : baby kangaroo
Journo : journalist
Jug : electric kettle
Jumbuck : sheep
Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate ("he's
got kangaroos loose in the top paddock")
Kelpie : Australian sheepdog originally bred from Scottish collie
Kero : kerosene
Kindie : kindergarten
Knock : to criticise
Knock back : refusal (noun), refuse (transitive verb)
Knocker : somebody who criticises
Lair : a flashily dressed young man of brash and vulgar behaviour, to
dress up in flashy clothes, to renovate or dress up something in bad
taste
Lair it up : to behave in a brash and vulgar manner
Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster
Lend of, to have a : to take advantage of somebody's gullibility, to
have someone on ("he's having a lend of you")
Lippy : lipstick
Liquid laugh : vomit
Lizard drinking, flat out like a : flat out, busy
Lob, lob in : drop in to see someone ("the rellies have lobbed")
Lollies : sweets, candy
London to a brick : absolute certainty ("it's London to a brick that
taxes won't go down")
Long paddock : the side of the road where livestock is grazed during droughts
Longneck : 750ml bottle of beer in South Australia
Lucky Country, The : Australia, where else?
Lunch, who opened their? : OK, who farted?
Lurk : illegal or underhanded racket
Maccas (pron. "mackers") : McDonald's (the hamburger place)
Mallee bull, as fit as a : very fit and strong. The Mallee is very
arid beef country in Victoria/South Australia.
Manchester : Household linen, eg sheets etc.
Mappa Tassie : map of Tasmania - a woman's pubic area
Mate : buddy, friend
Mate's rate, mate's discount : cheaper than usual for a "friend"
Matilda : swagman's bedding, sleeping roll
Metho : methylated spirits
Mexican : a person from south of the Queensland or New South Wales border
Mickey Mouse : excellent, very good. Beware though - in some parts of
Australia it means inconsequential, frivolous or not very good!
Middy : 285 ml beer glass in New South Wales
Milk bar : corner shop that sells takeaway food
Milko : milkman
Mob : group of people, not necessarily troublesome
Mob : family or herd (?) of kangaroos
Mongrel : despicable person
Moolah : money
Mozzie : mosquito
Muddy : mud crab (a great delicacy)
Mug : friendly insult ("have a go, yer mug"), gullible person
Mull : grass (the kind you smoke)
Muster : round up sheep or cattle
Mystery bag : a sausage
Nasho : National Service (compulsory military service)
Naughty, have a : have sex
Never Never : the Outback, centre of Australia
Nipper : young surf lifesaver
No drama : same as 'no worries'
No worries! : Expression of forgiveness or reassurance (No problem;
forget about it; I can do it; Yes, I'll do it)
No-hoper : somebody who'll never do well
Not the full quid : not bright intellectually
Nuddy, in the : naked
Nun's nasty, as dry as a : dry
Nut out : hammer out or work out (an agreement, say)
O.S. : overseas ("he's gone O.S.")
Ocker : an unsophisticated person
Offsider : an assistant, helper
Old fella : penis
Oldies : parents - "I'll have to ask my oldies"
Op shop : opportunity shop, thrift store, place where second hand
goods are sold.
Outback : interior of Australia
Oz : Australia!
Paddock : see 'long paddock'
Pash : a long passionate kiss; hence "pashing on"
Pav : Pavlova - a rich, creamy Australian dessert
Perve (noun & verb) : looking lustfully at the opposite sex
Piece of piss : easy task
Pig's arse! : I don't agree with you
Piker : Someone who doesn't want to fit in with others socially,
leaves parties early
Pink slip, get the : get the sack (from the colour of the termination form)
Pint : large glass of beer (esp. in South Australia)
Piss : beer. Hence "hit the piss", "sink some piss"
Plate, bring a : Instruction on party or BBQ invitation to bring your
own food. It doesn't mean they're short of crockery!
Plonk : cheap wine
Pokies : poker machines, fruit machines, gambling slot machines
Polly : politician
Pom, pommy, pommie : an Englishman • See the complaint about "Pom" etc.
Pommy bastard : an Englishman (see also 'bastard')
Pommy shower : using deodorant instead of taking a shower
Pommy's towel, as dry as a : very dry - based on the canard that Poms
bathe about once a month
Porky : Lie, untruth (pork pie = lie)
Port : suitcase (portmanteau)
Postie : postman, mailman
Pot : 285 ml beer glass in Queensland and Victoria
Pozzy : position - get a good pozzy at the football stadium
Prezzy : present, gift
Quid, make a : earn a living - "are you making a quid?"
Quid, not the full : of low IQ. [Historical note: 'quid' is slang for
a pound. £1 became $2 when Australia converted to decimal currency]
Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also "rack off hairy legs!".
Rage : party
Rage on : to continue partying - "we raged on until 3am"
Rapt : pleased, delighted
Ratbag : mild insult
Raw prawn, to come the : to bullshit, to be generally disagreeable
Reckon! : you bet! Absolutely!
Reffo : refugee
Rego : vehicle registration
Rellie or relo : family relative
Ridgy-didge : original, genuine
Right, she : it'll be all right
Right, that'd be : Accepting bad news as inevitable. ("I went fishing
but caught nothing." "Yeah, that'd be right.")
Rip snorter : great, fantastic - "it was a rip snorter of a party"
Ripper : great, fantastic - "it was a ripper party"
Ripper, you little! : Exclamation of delight or as a reaction to good news
Road train : big truck with many trailers
Rock up : to turn up, to arrive - "we rocked up at their house at 8pm"
Rollie : a cigarette that you roll yourself
Roo : kangaroo
Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it
against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)
Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: "I
feel rooted"; "this washing machine is rooted"; "(s)he's a good root".
A very useful word in fairly polite company.
Root rat : somebody who is constantly looking for sex.
Ropeable : very angry
Rort (verb or noun) : Cheating, fiddling, defrauding (expenses, the
system etc.). Usually used of politicians
Rotten : drunk - "I went out last night and got rotten"
Rubbish (verb) : to criticize
Salute, Aussie : brushing flies away
Salvos, the : Salvation Army, bless them
Sandgroper : a person from Western Australia
Sanger : a sandwich
Sav : saveloy (see also "fair suck of the sav!")
Schooner : large beer glass in Queensland; medium beer glass in South Australia
Scratchy : instant lottery ticket
Screamer : party lover; "two pot screamer" - somebody who gets drunk
on very little alcohol
Seppo : an American
Servo : petrol station
Shag on a rock, stands out like a : very obvious
Shark biscuit : somebody new to surfing
She'll be right : it'll turn out okay
Sheepshagger : A New Zealander
Sheila : a woman
Shit house (adj.) : of poor quality, unenjoyable ("this car is shit
house", "the movie was shit house")
Shit house (noun) : toilet, lavatory
Shonky : dubious, underhanded. E.g. a shonky practice, shonky business etc.
Shoot through : to leave
Shout : turn to buy - a round of drinks usually ("it's your shout")
Show pony : someone who tries hard, by his dress or behaviour, to
impress those around him.
Sickie : day off sick from work (chuck a sickie = take the day off
sick from work when you're perfectly healthy!)
Skite : boast, brag
Skull/Skol (a beer) : to drink a beer in a single draught without
taking a breath
Slab : a carton of 24 bottles or cans of beer
Sleepout : house verandah converted to a bedroom
Smoko : smoke or coffee break
Snag : a sausage
Sook : person or animal who is soft, tame, inoffensive. Hence sooky (adj.)
Spag bol : spaghetti bolognese
Spewin' : very angry
Spiffy, pretty spiffy : great, excellent
Spit the dummy : get very upset at something
Spruiker : man who stands outside a nightclub or restaurant trying to
persuade people to enter
Sprung : caught doing something wrong
Spunk : a good looking person (of either sex)
Squizz (noun) : look - "take a squizz at this"
Standover man : a large man, usually gang-related, who threatens
people with physical violence in order to have his wishes carried out.
Station : a big farm/grazing property
Stickybeak : nosy person
Stoked : very pleased
Stonkered : drunk
Strewth : exclamation, mild oath ("Strewth, that Chris is a bonzer bloke")
Strides : trousers
Strine : Australian slang and pronunciation
Stubby : a 375ml. beer bottle
Stubby holder : polystyrene insulated holder for a stubby
Stuffed, I feel : I'm tired
Stuffed, I'll be : expression of surprise
Sunbake : sunbathe
Sunnies : sunglasses
Surfies : people who go surfing - usually more often than they go to work!
Swag : rolled up bedding etc. carried by a swagman
Swaggie : swagman
Swagman : tramp, hobo
Tall poppies : successful people
Tall poppy syndrome : the tendency to criticize successful people
Tallie : 750ml bottle of beer
Taswegian : derogatory term for a person from Tasmania
Technicolor yawn : vomit
Tee-up : to set up (an appointment)
Thingo : Wadjamacallit, thingummy, whatsit
Thongs : cheap rubber backless sandals
Throw-down : small bottle of beer which you can throw down quickly.
Tickets, to have on oneself : to have a high opinion of oneself
Tinny : can of beer
Tinny : small aluminium boat
Tinny, tin-arsed : lucky
Togs : swim suit
Too right! : definitely!
Top End : far north of Australia
Trackie daks/dacks : tracksuit pants
Trackies : track suit
Troppo, gone : to have escaped to a state of tropical madness; to have
lost the veneer of civilisation after spending too long in the
tropics.
Trough lolly : the solid piece of perfumed disinfectant in a men's urinal
Truckie : truck driver
True blue : patriotic
Tucker : food
Tucker-bag : food bag
Turps : turpentine, alcoholic drink
Turps, hit the : go on a drinking binge
Two up : gambling game played by spinning two coins simultaneously
Uni : university
Unit : flat, apartment
Up oneself : have a high opinion of oneself - "he's really up himself"
Up somebody, get : to rebuke somebody - "the boss got up me for being late"
Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike / tits on a bull : unhelpful or
incompetent person or thing - "he, she or it is about as useful as
tits on a bull" etc. etc.
Ute : utility vehicle, pickup truck
Vedgies : vegetables
Vee dub : Volkswagen
Veg out : relax in front of the TV (like a vegetable)
Vejjo : vegetarian
Vinnie's : St. Vincent De Paul's (charity thrift stores and hostels)
WACA (pron. whacker) : Western Australian Cricket Association and the
Perth cricket ground
Waggin' school : playing truant
Walkabout : a walk in the Outback by Aborigines that lasts for an
indefinite amount of time
Walkabout, it's gone : it's lost, can't be found
Weekend warrior : army reservist
Whacker, whacka : Idiot; somebody who talks drivel; somebody with whom
you have little patience; a dickhead
Whinge : complain
White pointers : topless (female) sunbathers
Whiteant (verb) : to criticise something to deter somebody from buying
it. A car dealer might whiteant another dealer's cars or a real estate
salesman might whiteant another agent's property
Wobbly : excitable behaviour ("I complained about the food and the
waiter threw a wobbly")
Wobbly boot on, he's got the : drunk
Wog : flu or trivial illness
Wog : person of Mediterranean origin. A milder insult than the same
word in the UK and perhaps elsewhere.
Wombat : somebody who eats, roots and leaves (see also root)
Woop Woop : invented name for any small unimportant town - "he lives
in Woop Woop"
Wowser : straight-laced person, prude, puritan, spoilsport
Wuss : coward; nervous person or animal
XXXX : pronounced Four X, brand of beer made in Queensland
Yabber : talk (a lot)
Yabby : inland freshwater crayfish found in Australia (Cherax destructor)
Yakka : work (noun)
Yewy : u-turn in traffic ("chuck a yewy at the next traffic lights")
Yobbo : an uncouth person
Zack : sixpence (5 cents) - "it isn't worth a zack", "he hasn't got a
zack" (not sure I've heard this one in WA... Quad)

Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Formulary Song

The Formulary Song
by Mark Cohen
(to the tune of "I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major-General" by
Gilbert and Sullivan, with acknowledgement--but no apology--to Tom Lehrer)

There's Aldomet and Atromid and Antivert and Atarax
And Dexamyl and Donnagel and Demerol and Dulcolax
There's Tylenol and Tegretol and Riopan and Regitine
And Pertofrane and Pavabid and also Pyribenzamine

Now if you're down there's Dexedrine and Benzedrine and Elavil
And if you're up there's Librium and Valium and Vistaril
There's Thorazine and Stelazine for calming schizophrenics with
There's Seconal for sleeping and for mania there's Eskalith

There's Benadryl and Gelusil and Placidyl and Peritrate
And Decadron and Parafon and Sinequan and Sorbitrate
And Miltown, Motrin, Medrol, Maalox, Myleran and Miradon
And Mycostatin, Micronor, Mandelamine and Mylicon

There's Omnipen and Principen and Tegopen and Torecan
And Betapen and Versapen and Pyopen and Percodan
There's Robitussin, Garamycin, also Butazolidin
And Furadantin, Coricidin, even Triaminicin

There's Dimetane and Dimetapp and Dymelor and Dimecol
And Diuril and Dialose and Diamox and Disophrol
There's Darvocet for headaches when you'd really rather stay at home
But if the other end is sore, the one you need is Proctofoam

I know you're getting weary and my song is getting pretty grim
With all these pharmaceuticals from Actifed to Zyloprim
But just imagine what would happen if I tried to fan the flames
By starting over once again and using all generic names
(Like hydrochlorothiazide and phenylpropanolamine
And propylthiouracil . . . I think you see just what I mean!)

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

In Memorium

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as
knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not
children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band Aid to a student
-but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and
wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better
treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little
in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust;
his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason.

He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else
is to Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because
so few realized he was gone.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

An old light bulb joke....

How many Internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:

- 1 to successfully change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
- 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
- 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
- 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
- 53 to flame the spell checkers
- 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
- 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
- 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this e-mail exchange to alt.lite.bulb
- 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
- 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
- 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
- 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
- 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
- 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
- 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
- 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
- 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
- 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
- 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
- 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
- 143 votes for a new list alt.lite.bulb.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

WWII as l33t messages

(warning: contains strong language and is almost impossible to read if you don't do txts...)

WWII - the short message version...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Five things at once test...

Try this test.

Do not look at the bottom yet, note the numbers before doing it. It
only takes 2 minutes. 5 things are happening at the same time in your
flat/house/mansion/castle/abode which need your attention.

1- the phone is ringing

2- the baby is crying

3- somebody is knocking at your door

4- you hang out your washing outside and it has started to rain

5- you did not turn off the tap in the kitchen and the water is starting
overflowing

In what order will you solve these problems?

Note the order in which you would settle these problems on a paper and
check how your decisions have been taken.

Do it, the results are very interesting...

Each point represents something in your life. You can see on the
following list the definition of each point :

1- phone : work

2- Baby : family

3- Door : friends

4- Washing : money

5- Water : sex

The succession of numbers you have chosen define the order of your
priorities in life.

So, who decided to turn off the tap first?????????