The Formulary Song

The Formulary Song
by Mark Cohen
(to the tune of "I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major-General" by
Gilbert and Sullivan, with acknowledgement--but no apology--to Tom Lehrer)

There's Aldomet and Atromid and Antivert and Atarax
And Dexamyl and Donnagel and Demerol and Dulcolax
There's Tylenol and Tegretol and Riopan and Regitine
And Pertofrane and Pavabid and also Pyribenzamine

Now if you're down there's Dexedrine and Benzedrine and Elavil
And if you're up there's Librium and Valium and Vistaril
There's Thorazine and Stelazine for calming schizophrenics with
There's Seconal for sleeping and for mania there's Eskalith

There's Benadryl and Gelusil and Placidyl and Peritrate
And Decadron and Parafon and Sinequan and Sorbitrate
And Miltown, Motrin, Medrol, Maalox, Myleran and Miradon
And Mycostatin, Micronor, Mandelamine and Mylicon

There's Omnipen and Principen and Tegopen and Torecan
And Betapen and Versapen and Pyopen and Percodan
There's Robitussin, Garamycin, also Butazolidin
And Furadantin, Coricidin, even Triaminicin

There's Dimetane and Dimetapp and Dymelor and Dimecol
And Diuril and Dialose and Diamox and Disophrol
There's Darvocet for headaches when you'd really rather stay at home
But if the other end is sore, the one you need is Proctofoam

I know you're getting weary and my song is getting pretty grim
With all these pharmaceuticals from Actifed to Zyloprim
But just imagine what would happen if I tried to fan the flames
By starting over once again and using all generic names
(Like hydrochlorothiazide and phenylpropanolamine
And propylthiouracil . . . I think you see just what I mean!)